What a Week

Something called the Bullpen at work. I have to drive to a major city and participate in this all week. I am not looking forward to it, and I am feeling anxious. It is at times like these that I have to remember my purpose, which is to increase the peace and joy in the world through acceptance and creativity. If I can remember those things, then my purpose gets easier. I don't have any doubts about my abilities to achieve my purpose.

But I do have fears about loss of control, fears about fears, fears about the unknown, and so on. Those are all things I can't control. Those are all things over which I am powerless. Today is a good day to ask my higher power for help.

From the last time I blogged until this one I was doing pretty well, despite my thinking that I needed to work 66 hours last week. Most of that was an exercise in people-pleasing, which I do regret somewhat. However some of it was challenging myself. I remember a line from REBT which says that one should strive to enjoy oneself rather than prove oneself. That's a key line, and gets back to the purpose.

Last night at dinner my wife brought up the idea that even if you can't always be in your purpose, you can strive for situations in which you're doing something purpose-neutral. That is, you're at least not going against your purpose, or depleting your energy for your purpose. I put things like right livelihood into this category. My thoughts are jumbled because I feel I have lots to do today to prepare for my trip, and because I feel guilty for leaving my family. But the best way I can handle that is to go down and hang around with them, without feeling that I owe them anything. I don't owe anyone anything. Only myself, and what I owe myself is compassion, forgiveness, and kindness. Higher power, help me to use those tools today, starting with myself.