Elohel

Dude, you were killing me with the scalding shot of espresso to Barney's eye. That was pure genius!

There's this guy I work with, he seems to believe that his life unfolds w/in the context of a Merchant-Ivory film. He pronounces the word "genius" thusly: "Jen-yuss."

He is flamboyantly pretentious; it works for him somehow. He is married to a large, handsome woman who has borne him one charming daughter and who brings home about buck fitty/year or more as a software saleswoman. This man, my colleague, he has the perfect life in many ways, but on top of all that, he's a mack. He's always boffing some chick at work. He's tearing through the women at my company like a bag of Hershey's minis.

He was not always like this. I am responsible for his sexual emancipation. Once there was this co-worker who was interested in me and to divert her attentions, I suggested she go after my friend. I considered my friend untouchable and thought of him as a kind of outer space where the warhead of her oversexuality would detonate in a silent, harmless ball of flame.

Boy, was I wrong! I bet this girl that she couldn't crack my friend and considered my money as safe as if I'd put it in the bank. Never bet against a woman. When she got tired of my friend (after many many hours of mindless fucking) she left behind a newly minted, fully operational married perv.

He gets chicks with the smoldering glances and references to beat poetry, abstract art, and arcane personal technology. He's about three feet deep but incredibly wide. His personality is like that lake in Africa that you can walk from one end to the other, but it would take you four days to do it. Chicks love this. They are not looking for depth. They dig the easily understood and easily accessible.