Friday, November 9, 2007

Random Thoughts on an IT Consultant

24 year veteran of the consulting business, this guy, and his hand was still shaking with agitation at any difficult question. Which is a nutshell for why consulting will break you. You never get over the really bad customers. You get twitchy...jumpy...you're PTSDed and don't know it.
Only way to beat it is to
come in at the top. And know exactly what the hell you're doing and know everything about all the minutiae of the system and the customer's environment. In other words, unless you're willing to do homework.

I would stay up all night reading specs. I was a madman. So I knew what I was talking about but it took a toll on my health. You can't win in this life. You never get away with anything. In the Bible they say that whom God loveth he chasteneth...maybe that means God loves me.

But this guy, this installer, he had breath that could stop a truck and a stumpy, hemorrhoidal way of walking...when he took a coffee he threw it quickly toward his mouth, expanding his lips in a last-second attempt to adjust to the trajectory of the cup.

Everything was like that...as if there were certain parts of his body, his life, which operated against his best interest and independent of his will...and he was forced to constantly adjust to these rogue elements...the customers were just another manifestation of this adversarial fate

He was like a Picasso figure; an eye glaring out at you from yellow cube. One foot clad in brown leather, with a butterfly lace...a mouth in the forehead pursed in smug silence

I pitied him...I felt for him...I wanted desperately for him to succeed.
I took all the blame for everything on the first day. By the second day I realized that I had fallen prey to his schtick. Then I let him flop despite the pain it caused me.

As a final indignity, just as he was preparing to go, a huge banana or wolf spider (couldn't say which) crawled under his seat when he opened the door to his rental car. He screamed...a short, high burst, like the scream on the Rob Bass song, "It Takes Two."
We could see just its legs, like two hairy fingers, poking out under the seat. I went inside and got some bug spray and doused the car. He was choking on the fumes (and still worried about the spider) as he drove away.


No comments: