Why Do I HateTom Brady?

Really, why do I hate the guy? He went to Michigan, after all, so I should love him. I like Charles Woodson just fine, and liked Desmond Howard (even when I was rooting against the Packers). I liked Jon Jansen and even Drew Henson, who took time off to play baseball and then came back and got worked by the Cowboys.

Point is, I like all these other ex-Michigan guys but I can't stand Tom Brady. Just jealousy, you say. Well, yes, but I'm jealous of everyone. I'm jealous of plenty of guys who don't have a chin-dimple and Giselle. So it's not as simple as that.

I think I'm just fatigued. I think I'm just tired of hearing about Brady and Bellicose...er, Bellichek. Can they please go away already? It's like Joe Montana; he was a great quarterback, but my god did I get tired of hearing about him after awhile. Remember when he was on the Kansas City Chiefs and he was doing all those advertisements, for like Isotoner gloves and Chunky Soup? Jesus...even now, just thinking about Joe Montana, my poor bruised consciousness rises up in anger to defend itself against yet another marketing onslaught.

And so I come to the answer. I don't hate Brady, per se. I'm sure that if I were ever allowed to share a limo with him and his hot chicks I'd exit thinking he was the coolest guy ever. No, I'm sick of the media. I'm done with it. Over it. I'm going to try something, a grand experiment, to see if I can recover my childhood love affair with football.

I'm going to boycott all non-statistical information. That is, I'm going to watch the games with the sound turned off and I'm not going to read any more football websites or newspaper articles aside from the box scores. I'm going to de-hype myself. Go on a hype fast. What is left should be pure sport. And maybe then I'll find myself, god knows, even liking Brady.