Lack of Grip

It's been a long time since I've seen a hot chick; a long time since I've seen the way her body moved and had my throat seize up with lust and envy. A long time since I've seen a woman on the street and then imagined her naked.

Maybe something is wrong with me. I'm not gripping much. I am a man, therefore what I am about to say next, I really believe (and I'm not trying to be provocative etc...I could care less about that shit). Jesus masturbated. Maybe not right up until his death; maybe by the time he began his public ministry he'd gotten over the whole gripping thing and was just thinking pure thoughts all day long. But there was a time when the young Jesus, just like the rest of us, was gripping like a true stallion.

Every man grips. Period. I worked with this woman, she insisted that her husband didn't. She insisted that he only got his rocks off w/her, that he saved everything up for just those moments.
"Have you asked him if he does it?" I said.
"Yes, I have. and he told me he can't. He can only orgasm with me."
I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Honey, unless you're blowing that dude once a day and banging him three times a week, he's gripping. I promise."
But she wouldn't believe me. She really thought the guy only busted nuts with her, as a result of her ministrations, etc.

Years went by. Literally, years. Then one day she called me out of the blue.
"You were right," she said.
"What?"
"You were right. About the masturbating."
"Yeah?"
"I came home early from my workout class and I went in the back door because I was checking one of our sprinklers, and he had a porno tape in, cranked up really high, and I caught him in the act."
When I was done laughing I asked her what he said when she caught him (red-handed).
"Oh, he looked frightened at first, and then he said he was just trying it out but he wasn't doing a very good job and could I help him?"
"He asked you to help?"
"Oh yeah."

Now that, my friends, is a good man. That is the kind of man you don't want to mess with because not only does he have the balls to perpetuate an outrageous lie (I don't masturbate) but when he's caught in the act, he turns it into a request for sex.